Thursday, March 29, 2007

and the wind cries her name

At the outset, I would like to state here that this is a piece of creative writing. This is in no way connected to me, may it be personal, causal or incidental.....


When I first met her, she was this giggly little girl barely into her teens. She is my cousin, albeit a distant one and we were both visiting a common relative living in an old creepy house somewhere in the province. The house was so creepy that I stayed outdoors most of the time I was there. I saw her on the pathway or maybe she saw me coming up and that is when I first beheld her lovely eyes. She has this set of dreamy, smiling eyes that always seem to convey mischief and playfulness altogether and yet one can also perceive a certain sadness in them. Age-old sadness is in her soul and in her eyes, but it was veiled in teenage elan and her zest for life.

Then we parted ways.

It is summertime. So many summers have come and gone. My life in all its drudgery seems to pass away swiftly as one summer gradually changes into another season. Summertime always elicits in me an advent of joyous anticipation, like a flowering bud about to bloom under the hot, sultry sky.

Then I met her again.

The house is much creepier this time. I saw her in a room flooded with lights which seem to suggest that all this light is solely for the sake of someone horizontally lying inside a wooden shiny box. It was the wake of our uncle.

She is older, but she still have those dreamy, smiling eyes. I stepped outdoors because the heat inside the room was oppressive and partly of course because of those lights! I saw her on the threshold of a backroom fiddling with her ubiquitous cell phone. I mumbled some pleasantries and she smiled at me. She is aloof or just pretends to be and I could sense that she is just acting out. Then I offhandedly blurted out a charming, witty remark and we both laughed heartily and that broke the ice!

Breaking the ice is an understatement; this is more like an iceberg exploding, for with that one remark, an avalanche of bittersweet memories have since engulfed both of us!

During the course of the passing days, after many messages and calls have been exchanged between us, we decided to meet up in the big city. There will be no more creepy houses as setting for the "play" this time around. Eager with anticipation, the hero awaits the damsel with a keen heart. And there she was, all aglow and a bit slimmer since the last time I saw her but with the same enthusiasm that I likewise held in my heart.

The trip ahead was long and boring but her presence which was so dear and near surely made up for it. In our heart of hearts, we both knew that this thing about to transpire is wrong, so wrong in the eyes of righteous men and women living in this morally upright society. But who are they to judge us? Let those without sin cast the first stone!

I will spare the reader with the nitty-gritty, let him or her imagine with their mind's eye what every man and woman may do if left alone in their mutual passion
held back for so long a time yet is now finally unleashed and afire and the only way to douse it is to do it a second time.

Love in all its glory cannot make up for the momentary guilt one feels when he knew he has done something wrong. However, this was just a fleeting feeling because a lovely dream came true that day, and what can be more important than that? Life is but a collection of myriad experiences for the soul to cherish in its present incarnation, the key is to live and learn. There is no room for guilt and hang-ups but there is always room for giving and receiving love. Unconditional love is the moving force of the universe.

This is the beginning of something which my heart, in its previously cool, contented and apathetic state cannot erase and just consider a fling, but as a continuation of a past long ago forgotten yet embedded and integral in the many lifetimes lived by these two loving souls.

Then we finally said goodbye for the last time.

It can never be. It will never be, not in this lifetime anyway. It tears the heart asunder, it mangles the soul and leaves a scar so deep that it leaves a permanent imprint into one's heart. To love and lost is a trite remark but it is so apt and accurate that to experience such, is to have experienced all.

This is the story so far. It does not have an ending for it never did end, not in my heart and not in hers. It shall go on because as the universe unfolds, so too does every heart that beats as true.


jff/32907




wala lang...

wala lang....i am just feeling thoughtful and laid back like i have always been and the cares of the day seem to disintegrate with the setting of the sun...

i love to see the setting sun, the way it hides under the leaves with its waning,tawny, orange color - a priceless view from the terrace from where i now stand - with the chirping of the caged parakeets and the sudden whiff of cool air in this otherwise hot summer evening.

this is living.

living for the moment. not for tomorrow and definitely not in the past. i have never been a big fan of the past, but sometimes i relish the memories, bittersweet or just plain sweet. be they unforgettable or worth remembering.

of course it is in those specially exhilarating days - which may have left me in an altered state of mind due to their unforgettable cast of characters and storyline - that i will always treasure and shall permanently carve a special niche in this soul of mine.

so where does THIS gets me? like i have previously said........wala lang.

bleah!

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

clutter

(This was written way back in 2004 for my Yahoo! Group, the DWRT chatters and for want of a new piece to post, I am re-writing this because I am so busy these days and this piece have defined my state of mind during those times.)

January 2, 2004, 5:48 A.M.


Hello guys,

.......To start of.......Greetings for the New Year to all RT chatters!!! I guess everyone must have drowned with each slug of beer, gin n tonic, capuccino or what-have-you, the last of 2003's bummers, broken promises, pulled deltoids, coffee overdoses, endless traffic, acidic stomachs and relationships that went pfft!

And now is the time to clean up some clutter, huh? Ok.

So one sleepy, late afternoon while lounging on the rug, I slipped into my CD player Sarah McLaughlan's SURFACING because I just have to listen to 'Angels' and be Nicolas Cage for just one bit, hehehe....FFWD to Track 7.....but hark and hearken well......because instead of Sarah's cool and cascading voice, came out these soft, low and moaning sounds from a not so angelic voice of someone on the thrall of sheer, sexual pleasure!

Ooops! Wrong disc, bwuseeet! Just then my sleepy brooding self, hitherto absorbed in some nootime musings, suddenly eyed upon my bookshelf......six o' clock........a six level amalgam of...what's an amalgam you might ask? Ok, a jumble of books purchased at some bookstore- whose name is the Latin word for a ruler of men (not exactly my idea of Erap!), some novels with mostly hardbound coverings, some discarded comic books and magazines, columns and columns of CDs, masking tapes, DVDs and casette tapes! But lo! and behold, because there's more than meets the eye! Behind those books of Reyes, Paras and Azucena lurks a pile of clutter in this side of the world.....spent printer ribbons, an MPEG video card, a broken U.S. Robotics 33.6 bps modem (think how fast can you get with a 386DX, 8 MB RAM, 2 MB hardisk PC way back.........oh, never mind!) floppy disc copies of Prince of Persia (DOS version, guys), Banner, Norton Commander, GIF Images files of Ruffa who?, plus several pieces of cellphone housings, rubber bands, playing cards (please bear with me!), BIC ballpens, a broken (again!) floppy disc drive, a box containg Styrofoam, a user's manual for a sound card.....spent batteries!!!!..........aarrrrrggggh.........I never knew I had this pile of GARBAGE!

And so after such awakening (sounds like a mystical experience, eh), what do you suppose I did afterwards?

NOTHING.

Sheesh, I can live with this clutter. I like my bookshelf, God I love my books, I'll just forever be in front of my PC and probably I'll die without my music. Garbage or no, junk and whatnot, I realized I like things as they are. I treasure this special place in my crib where I can indulge in whatever that pleases me the most at the moment I am at my freest time.

So there goes my turning over a new leaf for this new year. So far.

Saturday, October 21, 2006

sitting, musing
yawning, fiddling
sudden yearning
instant craving
mouth a-frothing
fingers snapping
reaching, palming
thumbing, dialing
lines a-buzzing
not connecting
silence piercing
disappointing
mind unnerving
trouble brewing
anger trebling
then reflecting
soul a-searching
temper cooling
slowly smiling
and me thinking...why so much trouble for a pizza?

A funeral.

withering grass under my feet,
the sounds of footsteps and the gloom within me;
horizontally
and with reverence,
you close the void that filled your core
and numb your soul.
lest you cling into this murky, bedraggled ground
and forever lose this life
which is now gone.